


Impure Diamonds

by reminiscence



Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Xros Wars | Digimon Fusion
Genre: Alternate Timelines, What-If, ffn challenge: 100 prompts up to 100 MCs challenge, ffn challenge: becoming the tamer king challenge, ffn challenge: diversity writing challenge, ffn challenge: random what-if competition, ffn challenge: what if challenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-08 11:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11645217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reminiscence/pseuds/reminiscence
Summary: He's a fool twice over. He's killed Taiki twice over too and will they be lucky enough to get a third chance? There was a time where he didn't think they'd get a second, after all...Or the "what if Yuu was Quartzmon's host instead of Ryouma" fic.





	1. (Arc 1) Twice Smitten

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the:
> 
> Random What-If Competition, What if Quartzmon took Yuu instead of Ryouma as a host?  
> What-if Challenge, prompt as above  
> Diversity Writing Challenge, m10 – what if "example" happened  
> Becoming the Tamer King Challenge, Drain Tunnel task  
> 100 prompts, up to 100 MCs challenge, #100 – hinge
> 
> Timeline wise, the Digimon Manga has 20XX on the first page which really isn't helpful, so I'm just following release dates for the most part. So Xros Wars happened in July 2010 (Marine Day tells us it's a Monday in July at least). Hunters is 2011/2012 (mainly because my headcanon is it goes on for at least a year, if you include Ryouma getting "Psychemon" as the first day, and Tagiru was some time after that). There was no Christmas celebration so we can assume Hunters didn't cross into Christmas, unlike 02 and Appli Monsters… but there is a timeskip in the last episode where it could theoretically fit in, if we ignore dressing appropriately for temperature (those guys rarely change their clothes but I don't think all of Hunters could fit into under three months…). So for this fic, Quartzmon's attack comes right before the Christmas/New Year break.
> 
> Aside from that, this fic is running on two timelines side by side, so the first half of the fic is generally set far later than the second half, hence the time-stamps. The two "scenes" will be connected in some way though, and the two timelines should converge at some point (I think, assuming I haven't shredded my plan by mistake. My fault for writing it on the back of patient lists, probably…)

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

.

He's a fool twice over.

He's killed Taiki twice over too, and he doesn't know if the other boy will be lucky enough to be granted a third chance. He's not a cat, after all, and no doubt cats having nine lives is more myth than fact.

He doesn't know if it even matters if Taiki gets a third chance, because he sure as hell won't get one himself and they'll still be a hero short.

He didn't even realise he'd squandered his second chance until that point.

.

It's the last day for them, as Hunters, and they learn far too many truths throughout.

It begins when he looks out his window. His house is empty and maybe that's why he sees it later than some others. He doesn't run down the street screaming like Tagiru apparently did. He doesn't drop his ipod and go stone-faced like Ren.

He's not sure what Taiki's reaction would be. He's known Taiki for a year longer than the rest but he still doesn't know him that well. He's too far out of reach.

Yuu is just trying to dig himself out of the hole he fell into two years ago. He thinks he's getting closer to the top.

(At this point, he doesn't know he's at the bottom of another, deeper, hole.)

At the beginning of this day, he's just going around as normal until he isn't. He wakes up to the first alarm and turns it off so it doesn't ring again. He does his normal morning ablutions and puts on his uniform and reheats the miso soup and Oyakodon. The chicken and omelettes and leftover rice he puts into a bento box. None of it is glamorous, but it does the job and without as much labour as some of the more traditional variations involve. He can buy some natto and sardines on the way back home, and that'll do for tomorrow.

He eats and does the dishes and packs his bento box and a water bottle into a bag and slings it over one arm. His book bag is already packed and waiting by his shoes.

He's out the door with a comfortable amount of time to spare, like he is most mornings.

That's when the emptiness transitions from normal to odd.

Because the house is often empty. His father keeps long hours in the office and a school morning is hardly ever the time to catch him. And, of course, his sister is still in Hong Kong. Sometimes Tagiru stays over. He's made it a habit since Damemon returned, but they try and limit it to Fridays.

It's Tuesday, and tomorrow is the last day of term besides.

In any case, the streets are bare. There are no cars on the streets. No pedestrians on the foot walk. The traffic lights on the corner flicker from red to yellow to green and the trees sway with the winter wind, but that's all. It's just nature and the city and him.

He stands and stares until he finds the green in the sky, and then he follows it. It's like a rainbow and he searches for the pot of gold. Or the pied piper and he'd effortlessly dragged along. He follows it until he runs into Taiki on the street and at first there's only a sense of overwhelming relief.

And then the rational part of his mind catches up and wonders why.

They put it together soon after, when Hunters gather at the school (and Tagiru is running late; typical him). The world had disappeared except for them and the being in the sky spitting of spawn and that's their past and present and future all rolled into one.

They know they have to fight.

Then the Old Clock Man appears and tells them exactly what they've been fighting for.

Some of it is known. Some of it they've guessed. And the clincher, of course, they don't see coming at all. The original Xros Heart fights to buy them time and the Hunters gather… And Yuu is barely aware of being bundled into the second category until he stands there, between Tagiru and Ren, and realises he's not a part of Xros Heart at all. Not for this battle, anyway. Maybe not at all.

It's a sad thought. A sobering thought. And maybe it's also the reason he opens his mouth and agrees to fight. The battle that Ryouma thought would be only him and Tagiru suddenly had a third member and they're both outmatched. Maybe it's the experience. Tagiru has less than a year. Ryouma has almost two. But Yuu has the Digital World and that's an experience no other Hunter has.

He's barely surprised he's won. He's aiming for something different, after all. Someone different. It's never been about collecting Digimon for his collection. It's been about getting stronger. About redemption. Defeating the other Hunters won't prove that. Fighting alongside Xros Heart again however will.

He has the Brave Snatcher in his hands. And Taiki is standing in front of him, a proud smile on his face. There's his sister too, and Kiriha. And Tagiru and Ryouma with identical looks split between their own brand of pride and disappointment.

He has the Brave Snatcher in his hands… or Tsuwamon's hands, technically. All they have to do know is swing it: the mighty lance made from the bones of one of the most powerful enemies of the Digital World and infused with five of its most powerful heroes. And there's Taiki as one of them, crouched on OmegaShoutmon's shoulder just as Yuu himself is on Tsuwamon's.

Their eyes meet. Taiki has a soft smile on his face.

Of course, being reached never mattered to the other boy. He was always modest, always downplaying his abilities and sometimes to the point of self-deprecating.

At other times, he seemed entirely too aware that he was a pinnacle others aspired to reach, and he used it to his advantage. The number of times Tagiru and Yuu had wound up stuck together because of it. The less frequent times they wound up grouped together with Ryouma for much the same reasons.

Now though there is no Tagiru and Ryouma with them. They are watching. Everybody else is watching. Yuu reaches down and brushes a hand against the bone, still cold and dripping with bay water and humming with an energy none of them can really fathom. After all, they'd thrown everything they had against Quartzmon and the defence it had spawned, and it had brought them time and nothing more.

Now though…

'Tsuwamon…'

They swing the lance together.

Finally, they can achieve something momentous. Something of note. Something that can overwrite the sins they'd committed together in the past, and the ones that had come far too close. They could smash their doubts away. Their insecurities. The lies they'd wound up wrapped in and the net they struggled to escape from thereafter. They could smash the Chinese finger trap their fingers were stuck in even if that was mostly their fault. Or mostly his fault for being naïve, for wanting reality to be rose-coloured enough for him to paint an imaginary world blood red instead and think it wouldn't let things through.

But reality isn't like that and he knows that now. He is swinging this lance with all the intent behind it. The right intent. To the enemy they need to knock down, so that they can save their world.

The lance swings, and hits something solid with a satisfying thwack and the vibrations run up his body: from the lance itself, and from Tsuwamon's shoulders as well.

Then there is silence, and the sound of a siren piercing it, and he opens his eyes.

Quartzmon is still floating there, above the bay.

And Taiki and OmegaShoutmon, both so bright and so gold, are dull and falling instead.

_Taiki and OmegaShoutmon…?_

And then it is Tsuwamon falling away from him, and words buzzing in his ears he can barely make sense off at all.

But Tsuwamon is suddenly looking different, sounding different…  _feeling_ different. Yuu's mind spins, like he's been picked up and thrown into an entirely new scene or he's learnt something momentous that turns his perspective and outlook on the world on its head.

He knows that feeling well enough, when the reality of the Digital World had been thrown at his face. The way his mind had buzzed, refusing to give in until there facts had slapped him enough times his entire body was aching with the thoughts.

There is that same feeling now. Some momentous truth that has suddenly descended and he can't quite grasp it yet but it's right in front of him and he will.

Probably, once it clicks, he'll wish it didn't click.

And when it does all click together, he finds he was right. He doesn't want to have found this out at all.

He doesn't want it to be the truth, but life doesn't turn every bad thing and every mistake into a nightmare one can just wake up from.

.

Monday-Tuesday, May 19-20, 2010

.

He's a fool.

He wakes up in a new world and he's so quick – far too quick – to believe it's a sweet honey dream.

He's a fool. He needs a place like that so badly he takes it.

It's two months to the day before Marine Day and he doesn't recognise the significance at all. He won't recognise it until Akari mentions it, months later. But the calendar stops moving then. Or stops moving in a way that they understand.

He knows the day he and his sister arrive in the Digital World. And he knows the day Taiki and Akari and Zenjirou arrive and he knows there's two months to the day in between them. He doesn't know when Kiriha arrives. Somewhere near them. Before or after doesn't really matter and they all tumble out the other side together anyway.

But that's in the future. The he who first enters the Digital World doesn't even think about going home.

Instead, he thinks of letting go of those pesky emotions that cause tears to stain his cheeks and cause his eyes to burn because he can't sleep at night.

Knowing that this world and all the strange creatures within it are figments of a dream make it easier to close his eyes and rest. It's not sleep, because the idea of sleeping in a dream is ridiculous, but rather it's an intermission from his dream. And with it he can measure days passing, though he doesn't bother to count. It's too wonderful a dream.

He still doesn't understand the flow of time between the worlds. Really, it's easier to think of it as having been the nineteenth of May until the day Taiki and Akari and Zenjirou arrive, and then it's the nineteenth of July thereafter. They return back to their world on the nineteenth of July. Taiki returns alone on the twentieth and finds the Seven Kingdoms instead of Zones. They return again, together and victorious, and it's the twenty-first. There's no pattern to it. No sensibility. Except perhaps how the two worlds touch each other. Perhaps that's the only deciding factor but then why two months?

It's nonsensical. But many of his impressions about this world are nonsensical. The food is tasteless and that's a shame, but the food has been tasting like sandpaper since his grandmother passed away so this new lack of taste can only be considered an improvement. And then there's the way no-one looks human and no-one has identities of their own. They're grouped into species, or character types, and there are many he's met that are one of a kind but many more that are legions of clones.

They're all creations of this dream world and the common ones spawn and are never ending and the unique ones are interesting NPCs he can string along. But he's the game master and he can do what he likes.

He entertains the idea of saving everyone, at first, but no game allows you to get away with a perfect record. So he just has to win the prize at the end that will cause the ending credits to roll – because post-games don't follow the rules. The dead characters come back and get second chances and live happy idyllic lives but even in this dream place he has to earn it all, it seems.

That's okay. He's always gotten good grades. He's a clever boy. The tools to make his idyllic world exist here and he's going to build it piece by piece.

But he doesn't think he even starts to consider the endgame may not be as idyllic as he thinks it to be until he runs into his sister. Because his sister's presence is what introduces him to the possibility that it might be real, or he might have to return to reality with her (or to the real her). It's the link to something he's trying to take a break from and that's the whole reason he's here, and doing things as he is.

He's trying to get it all out of his system so he can be free.

But then he runs into his sister and the possibilities begin. The doubts begin. How can his sister be in his dream world? And why is she telling him to stop? He's banishing the things that choke him back home and why would she begrudge him that? How can she begrudge him that? How can she even be here?

How can she care for that jet sparrow more than him, even in his dream? And maybe he begrudges her of that because he fights her, fights  _them_ : his sister and her Sparrowmon and the other two Generals as well.

And then his view shifts from his big sister to Kudou Taiki.

Not long after that, he becomes absolutely  _obsessed_  with Kudou Taiki.

And then the cracks in the armour become huge chunks yanked out.

It all comes to a head in the hell battlefield. When he is the one hurt instead of the one causing the hurt and it  _hurts_. It's like when he falls in the real world. When he cries and his sister is there to make it all better, or his grandmother when his sister can't do it alone. But that's the whole problem, isn't it? He's got wounds that his sister can't cure by herself but their grandmother's not around anymore.

He needs to reach the post-game and get her back and make sure she doesn't vanish again.

But he's hurting again: here and now. And there's no Nene either. She's fighting against him instead. It's only Tsuwamon whisking him away before… what? What would Taiki and Shoutmon X7 have done?

What have they done, in the aftermath of searching for aid and finding nothing but a beaten up Damemon who refuses to leave his side, that makes the pathway back to Heaven's Land open up. But the heaven he finds himself in is no longer the game world he can use to make his utopia. There's something tinted dark about it. Something tinted red.

Digimon are digimon but having humans in the mix has muddled him up, and now he can't help but think he's done something unforgivable, even if it is all fake.

But that's the other issue. Is it really? He feels pain. He's felt pain. And now he's stuck behind closed doors with only Damemon for company and why is that, when he's supposed to be the game-master? Every door in a game has a way of being opened and he's good at things like that, but he's still stuck. And when he's stuck he can only think, and thinking just festers his doubts.

And when he does finally fall asleep, all he does is remember. Remember the day his grandmother passed away and he's in tears and Damemon appears and that awkward but amusing mix-up with his name…

But then DarkKnightmon appears. DarkKnightmon offers him a wonderful world: a world where no-body ever dies and it's perfect and exactly what he wants. DarkKnightmon offers that… but Damemon is the first digimon he meets and Damemon says…

What is it that Damemon says? "All living beings die someday."

And it hits him, then, in that dream while tears force their way out between his eyelashes in reality.

Damemon is suspiciously quiet after DarkKnightmon's declaration.

Damemon's words from before that contradict it entirely.

Damemon is there first. And while that's not proof he's telling the truth and DarkKnightmon is lying, it's pretty good circumstantial evidence. And he's seen digimon disappear and not return. Like MadLeomon. Like Tactimon.

'I'm sorry.'

Yuu unfurls from the bed. He's awake now. He's aware and it's not a dream any longer. He's on his four-poster bed with Damemon a mere foot away and toys scattered on the floor and Chuchumon leaning against the pillow like their silent chaperone, with tears blurring everything and he rubs at his eyes roughly until they sting.

'I'm sorry,' Damemon repeats, inching closer.

Somewhere inside of Yuu, a dam breaks.

Damemon's apology is like an admission.

He knows the truth now and it's the most painful thing he's ever known.


	2. Shaded Red

 

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

.

There’s a cruel silence in the air. It’s paralysing. It’s seized him and this wretched heart of his in its grip and it won’t let go.

There’s only Yuu: his litany of “why” and “Tsuwamon” tumbling from his lips between tremulous nothings.

And, really, those are the only words he wants: answers to his pleas. He wants Tsuwamon to tell him that didn’t just happen. He wants the nightmare to evaporate like it was never there.

But Tsuwamon says nothing. He only backs away.

And since when was Yuu standing on the ground instead of Tsuwamon’s shoulder?

He trembled. The wind by the bay was cold. Freezing, really. And Tsuwamon backed away from him. Tsuwamon, whose big strong golden body, had blocked the wind before.

Tsuwamon, who under Yuu’s lagging, wide-eyed, stare was changing into something… else. He’s streams of data suddenly: green instead of gold. And then he’s something else again. Fusing with the monolith atop the bay they’d meant to strike down.

And from inside his throat is a deep, rattling laughter that chill’s Yuu to the bone.

Someone shrieks.

The spell shatters. There’s suddenly more than just the two of them, but it changes little. Tsuwamon is still… not Tsuwamon. And Yuu is still shaking and trembling and on his knees.

When did he sink to his knees anyway?

There’s a bubble around Taiki and OmegaShoutmon. It’s the rest of Xros Heart, with Tagiru as well as though he’s seamlessly merged into them. Maybe he’s taken the black hole that should have been Yuu’s. Maybe he’s taken the black hole Yuu rejected for so long it was gone.

Or maybe it was never supposed to be Yuu. Even if Tagiru was the newcomer who’d floundered his way onto a basketball team and under Taiki’s wing.

But that’s just insecurity talking, isn’t it? That’s just jealousy and he knows this. He’s gone through it so many times and Taiki knows it too. He must know it. He’s left the pair of them alone often enough. Forced them alone so they can find some sort of common ground that doesn’t involve climbing up the ladder to the pedestal they’ve placed Taiki on.

That’s what he’s been telling himself all year, but this is different. New. Wrong. Or right.

All this time, it was like that…

His mind still can’t quite grasp it.

There are words being thrown around. Murmurs from the other Hunters. Something from Tsuwamon who isn’t even Tsuwamon anymore.

He can’t hear the buzz from the others. But Tsuwamon… Of course he can hear Tsuwamon’s every word.

How can he not, after he’d stopped listening before?

‘Now I’ll change the entire world into DigiQuartz: into my very self. And be rid of the imperfect species: animals, digimon… and human beings.’

I feel tears slip down my cheeks and I wonder why.

‘Hey!’ Tagiru’s voice is painfully sharp. Somehow, it pierces through the icomprehensible fog. Or maybe it’s just the words he says. The words Yuu most desperately wants to hear… from Tsuwamon, instead. ‘Yuu is your precious partner! What the hell are you doing, throwing him like that? I mean, I know I was going to punch him myself, but how can you say you have no use for him like he’s some kind of tool. You’re partners! Partners!’

               ‘You don’t understand.’

He still sounds like Tsuwamon, Yuu thinks. Like Tsuwamon, and yet not like Tsuwamon. Or maybe Yuu has just been trying to match him up to the Tsuwamon from his memories all this time. The Tsuwamon he never deserved in the first place.

               ‘I am Quartzmon.’

And then he doesn’t even look like Tsuwamon anymore. He’s twisting in the air. Deforming. Sprouting extra arms and wriggling and thinning and growing six red eyes that make Yuu shudder, even though he can’t make himself look away.

               ‘Damemon was the first Digimon I brought into the DigiQuartz.’

And that is the nail in the coffin telling him he’d never had Damemon back, at all. But also a relief because it’s not Damemon betraying him…

But then where is the real Damemon?

The tears don’t stop falling.

               ‘It was easy. Damemon’s data was scattered and broken, much like mine, but he had something to hold him together: this human… or rather, the bonds and memories with it. It took far less to restore him. I absorbed the data of weak digimon to give him back his form while sustaining mine. And then I was able to increase my data absorption exponentially.’

I see it now. So clearly. How the digimon became so much harder to handle after Damemon came back. How our fights ended, more often than not, with at least two Hunters teaming up to take down their quarry. How, so very frequently, it would take all three of us, or even more. The big battle on the abandoned island that took practically the entire Hunter pool to handle.

Before Damemon, they were tame battles. Battles Shoutmon could handle without evolving. Battles Tagiru, a complete novice, could handle on his own if he kept his head.

It makes so much more sense, and he’s been completely blind.

               ‘But now I have enough power to assimilate the rest of the world. And without the Brave Snatcher, I cannot be stopped.’

The buzzing has started up again. So loud, yet so incomprehensible and it doesn’t do a thing to swallow up Quartzmon’s words.

               ‘Amano Yuu, I don’t need you anymore.’

He wails.

He knows it’s not Tsuwamon, but he still wails.

               ‘Yuu! Yuu!’

Someone’s calling his name. He doesn’t know who.

I don’t need you anymore, Quartzmon says.

Did Damemon ever need him at all? Or is it only Yuu that needs him. Only Yuu… ‘Damemon…’

               ‘Sorry about this, Yuu.’

That doesn’t quite register until after the fact. It’s the pain that clicks first. Pain and warmth. And then his vision is covered by something. Someone’s shirt.

Oh, someone is hugging him. After they slapped him.

                ‘You mean it would’ve been okay if I did punch him? Geez, missed my chance.’

That’s Tagiru’s voice, as loud and unavoidable as ever.

But Tagiru’s not the one hugging him. The shirt’s a soft pink and a different sort of familiar.

_Nee-san._

Nene.

His arms come up on their own, like they’re wrapped in puppet strings. He hugs her, even though he doesn’t deserve to. But he needs her. He needs their comfort.

                ‘I’m sorry, Yuu,’ she whispers into her hair.

What does his sister have to be sorry for? He’s the one who should apologise.

But he can’t seem to get the words out of his head.

He can’t get the questions out of his head either. How are Taiki and OmegaShoutmon? What’ll happen now? How can they defeat Quartzmon without the Brave Snatcher? How are they going to make everything right again?

                ‘Come on.’ Nene is speaking again, but this time, her words make no sense. He’s lacking the context, somewhere, or perhaps it’s just plain understanding he’s lost. Nene wants him to go somewhere, or do something, but Yuu doesn’t know where or what. He just knows he doesn’t understand, and he can’t muster the strength to do anything but shake in his sister’s embrace beside.

And then Nene is gone: releasing her hold on him, standing up. Her hand is the last thing to go. She’s already turned away from him, saying something to something else.

The static is back, filling his ears. The whole world is swallowed in that static… but their world has shrunken down, hasn’t it? It’s only those with Xros Loaders left. Everybody else has been swallowed up by Quartzmon. Everything else has been swallowed up by Quartzmon.

Damemon has been swallowed up by Quartzmon too.

A thought snakes into his mind and bites with its sharp fangs.

Damemon has been swallowed up by Quartzmon too. Damemon, and every person in the world without a Xros Loader.

If he lets go of his Xros Loader, he’ll be swallowed up as well.

His fingers scramble all over his body. Why does he have so many pockets? Which one did he put his Xros Loader in?

_Ah, there it is._

His fingers wrap around the plastic. It’s so stiff and cold. He pulls it out. It struggles, like it has a mind of its own.

It doesn’t. If it had a mind, it was because it was possessed. Now it’s not.

Or maybe it’ll always be possessed for things he can’t be forgiven for after all.

He lets it go. It clatters and the noise seems so loud, it whites out the entire world.

He blinks eventually, slowly, and then blinks again. Aside from his black-encased Xros Loader, the world is still white and empty and cold.

.

Monday-Tuesday, May 19-20, 2010

.

The dust of broken data hangs in the air for minutes that feel as long as hours. Chuchumon doesn’t react at all, like he’s not even there. Except he is there. There and smug, for whatever reason. Smug and unhelpful.

Chuchumon just leaned back against the bed when Yuu had turned to him for help.

There’s a side called Yuu and Damemon, and nobody else is on it.

Yuu doesn’t go to Chuchumon now. He never was someone or something another person would go to for comfort. Just the eyes and ears for the Twilight army. DarkKnightmon’s eyes and ears. And bodyguard who’d watched with beaded eyes when Yuu had scoured the room twice over looking for a way out.

That told Yuu there was a way out. The door looks like a reasonable option. It’s locked from the outside though, and the tiny flap is just enough for ChuChumon to get through. Yuu can look, but there’s not much point in doing that. There’s nothing to see. Nobody passing by.

Not that he’s going to find an ally in a castle full of digimon who’ve been keeping up a façade.

Even Damemon had been keeping up the façade, and he’d also given him the key to tear it all apart.

But that’s just as much Yuu’s fault, isn’t it. Because he’d forgotten first impressions when DarkKnightmon had danced onto the scene.

And now he’s got the weight of that price on his shoulders.

Would it have even weight that much without Damemon’s absence?

That prompts him to glare at ChuChumon again. ChuChumon who’d just lain back calmly when Yuu had screamed and begged.

Lucky for him Damemon had snatched his attention away.

He yanks the pillow ChuChumon is resting on. The little rat tumbles to the floor.

It’s not as satisfying as it could have been. It’s not satisfying at all, really, but Yuu’s too heavy to muster up the motivation to do more. It’s the weight of reality and it’s almost unbearable. Curling up with the cushion doesn’t take the edge off but it’s a kind of primal instinct so he does it anyway.

You could have been cuddling Damemon, a little traitorous voice in his mind points out. You should have been.

But that’s the thing about hindsight. It burns. And there’s nothing he can do about it.

The Xros Loader could have, if he’d found it in time.

Whatever did he even do with it? How could he have lost it.

Of course, hindsight is also quite vindictive. He bets it’ll be easier to find now, if it’s here. He can just stretch his hand out a little and it’ll be there: that cold, laughing plastic.

He doesn’t loosen his grip on the pillow. He can’t bear it being right there and him having overlooked it when he needed it.

Oh Damemon, why didn’t you just tell me? Or tell me sooner.

And Damemon had been the one to say sorry after all that. Yuu knows he’s the one who didn’t listen at first. Who listened to the wrong things. Who got the idea of it being a game, a dream, into his head and then ignored everything that suggested otherwise.

It’s not like that fight with Taiki is the first time he feels anything other than a pleasant haze.

Heh, it almost sounds like he’s been drugged up or something but he knows that’s not the case. Or if he was drunk, he was drunk on the idea DarkKnightmon presented.

In that case, the current haze might be the start of the consequent withdrawals.

But he can’t blame it on substances like that. Or sickness or anything, really. He can’t even blame it on grief. The time in between is too long. His grandmother died years ago. He’s had years to remember Damemon’s words when they first met. Years to accept what those around him have said: words he doesn’t want to hear.

Instead, he used those years to think about all the things he would do in this glorious world where nobody got hurt and, more importantly, nobody died. He thought about all the things he could do in this game that he can’t do in reality because the world is too fragile and he’ll break everything he touches –

He does break everything he touches, even here. All those digimon he’s used like pawns that now he knows aren’t respawning at some save point and probably won’t make it back at all. Kudou Taiki in Hell’s field. And now Damemon as well.

Even if it was all a game, he’s killed a human being, and the closest thing he’s ever had to a friend.

The tears start anew: big fat tears that soak into the pillowcase and the bedsheets. ChuChumon says nothing. Maybe he’s left through his little mouse flap. Either way, he doesn’t care. And since he’s really just the glorified baby-sitter, he doesn’t need to care.

Yuu wishes for a little sympathy. He knows he doesn’t deserve it.

He’s a child and his soul feels like it’s in pieces. He wants some sympathy anyway.

He wonders if his big sister will still chase after him. He’s killed one of her friends, after all. And even if he hadn’t, Hell’s Field could easily be the tipping point? Anything could have been the tipping point and yet Nene came back, but that doesn’t guarantee at all that Nene will keep on coming back.

She knows the true Amano Yuu now, after all.

It’s the Amano Yuu that breaks everything he touches. Except his prison. He can’t seem to break that.

He wants to, suddenly. It’s not fair he can break everything but this.

So he tears at the first thing he can: the pillow that’s already in his grasp. It’s stiff and tightly woven and unyielding but he fights through it anyway. It’s almost satisfying when it does finally tear and white fluff pours out.

Almost satisfying, but not quite. And the blankets are the same. They make no sound. They don’t tear cleanly. They don’t _break._ They just become a mess.

He crawls until he tumbles off the bed. The bed is too big. It’s a four poster and he rips down the ornaments but he can’t make the posts bend. He’s not that strong.

He’s not strong at all. He’s weak. He’s only strong in the ways that don’t matter.

He punches the post again, and his knuckles bleed. His wild anger drains out of him as well but the crushing weight’s still there.

Really, it’s only worse because the room no longer looks idyllic, and neither does the world.

It’s a very large world, and he’s stuck in his room that’s feeling more and more claustrophobic by the minute.

He starts pacing liked the caged soul in tatters he is. And isn’t it a pity that tattered souls can’t slip through mouse flaps like tattered other things can? He paces until the big heavy weight he’s carrying crumbles into smaller stones of the same cumulative weight, and he throws himself back onto the bed and cries all over again.

This time, he realises he’s scoured the room from top to bottom in all of that and still hasn’t seen his Xros Loader.

It’s not here. It’s seriously not here.

He couldn’t have saved Damemon even if he’d been a little faster.

He could only have saved him if he hadn’t been so _stupid._ If he’d listened at the beginning. If he hadn’t believed DarkKnightmon and gone along with it all. If he hadn’t pushed and pushed and pushed and finally asked too much from Damemon than he could give.

He’d turned Damemon into a monster.

He’s turned Damemon into ash.

And DarkKnightmon isn’t even here pretending to salvage the situation.

Well, Yuu doesn’t think it can be salvaged, anymore. It’s shattered. Everything’s shattered. That utopia he’d been working towards. The game he’d planned to beat. The bonds he’d ignored. The soul he thought he was giving a break to but wound up breaking instead. It’s all a mess like the state of his room and… well… he’s got no idea how to move forward from here. He doesn’t know if there is a forward. DarkKnightmon might not even need him anymore. The Seven Generals are defeated. Kudou Taiki is defeated. What’s left? Kiriha and Nene aren’t strong enough at only two-thirds strength, against both DarkKnightmon and Bagramon combined. It doesn’t matter that the Death Generals are defeated. It doesn’t matter that the Lieutenants are defeated.

It doesn’t matter that DarkKnightmon has plenty of those fake Xros Loaders and doesn’t need a human child behind the real one anymore.

Right, he doesn’t need Yuu anymore. And Damemon who’d needed Yuu long enough to use the Xros Loader the right way for once didn’t get what he needed.

_I’m not needed. I’m useless._

_I’ve just made a big mess of things._

And in this room, he thinks he can only swirl in that dark mess of emotion, because there’s nowhere for any of it to go.


	3. Second Take

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The sun disappears, and then returns. It strikes Yuu as strange, because the rest of the world is still but the sun comes and goes.

It goes to show that some things are beyond the Earth they think of as their world.

Really, he should know this better than most people. He’s a General. He’s been to the Digital World: a world that defied expectations thrice over.

Then again, he doesn’t really deserve to be called a General.

Or maybe he’s the only one who does. It’s too cruel a term to slap Taiki with, after all. He’s not a General who’ll sacrifice his forces for the greater good and seeks to win the war. He wasn’t then and he isn’t now, either.

It’s a weakness in this setting, because he doesn’t see the treachery leaning in far too close.

None of them saw it. He himself didn’t see it and he doesn’t know how. The sun is a pale thing hanging just off the horizon but the water’s a strange rippling mess and he can’t see his reflection in it at all. The whole world’s distorted like this, he despairs. He stumbles forward and by rights he should be floundering in the bay, but he’s not. He’s walking on the data like it’s a solid thing.

Underneath the data is the Brave Snatcher where it fell. Or maybe Tagiru or Ryouma or one of the other Hunters got it back out again.

He doesn’t know what’s happening. Quartzmon is in the air but its attention is elsewhere.

Well, he said it himself. Yuu is useless now.

Apparently not even worthy enough to be digitised along with the rest of the human populace.

So what does he do now?

Flight or fight are the primitive responses. In the throes of crushing despair, he can add another: just stay still. Because flight and fight both take energy and he is drained. But to stay and wilt away is so boring and it is not in a human’s nature – much less a child’s – to be still for very long.

He stays curled up anyway. His heart is still exhausted. His mind is still buzzing but somewhat sluggishly now. It’s tasted unconsciousness, sleep and exhaustion and it wants more. But humans can’t sleep days away either. Not unless they’re in a coma or dead and that’s another thing entirely.

Does he want to die?

The answer is surprisingly sharp and searing. No, he does not.

Another thought wanders into his mind. What happened to everyone else once in this world? Are they simply digitised, able to return? Or are they dead and forever gone.

He can’t lie there anymore. It’s too terrifying a thought. He runs instead. Away from that monster.

He can’t seem to escape it. It’s like the world has shrunk down to the scene he can see and he can’t escape it. Or maybe Quartzmon is so big now he’s like the sun: always in the sky. But even the sun can only cover half the world at a time.

It’s… pleasant, though. The thoughts in his mind are less jumbled and more sharp. And there’s a burn in his legs as well. It’s pleasant… until the monotony begins to grate on him and the thoughts come back and he just wants to give up again.

He goes in circles and there’s nothing but his own mind to pull him out of it.

.

Eventually, he gets somewhere. He gets home. He’s not entirely sure how but maybe it’s the longing in his heart for somewhere comfortable and familiar and his.

He wants to think home is a place that’s never betrayed him but that’s not entirely true. Too many times he’s come home to it being empty. Too many times he’s wanted to hear his sister’s voice calling through the house in greeting, or his father grunting from the couch with his papers, or something. Maybe even a pet but he can’t have a pet. He hurts everything he touches after all, and even if he didn’t it’s hardly fair on the poor (hypothetical) thing to be stuck inside and alone all day while Yuu goes to school.

In any case, he’s in his empty house now and it’s exactly the same. Even the view outside: the lamp lights in a neat line across the road and their neighbour with rose bushes.

They’d been digiquartised before. He knows it. He saw it yesterday. Or what he thinks was yesterday.

Something’s off.

He doesn’t know what it is. He paces restlessly in his home and everything’s perfect but it’s not. The dishes are still drying in the rack and his pyjamas are hanging behind the door and the laundry hamper is half full and –

Ah, he gets it. The house doesn’t smell slightly mouldy when he comes home. It always does because there’s no-one at home during the day to open the windows or the door. When he touches the dishes, they’re dry and they should be, but when he twists the faucet and sticks his hand under, it’s dry as well.

He processes that slowly. It’s not real.

His heart sinks.

Still, there’s enough comfort from the familiar sight that he can relax. Just a little.

He goes upstairs. His room is the most familiar and most comfortable, after all. He lies on the bed and it doesn’t feel any different to when he was curled up on the ground before, but it looks like his bed and he can pretend well enough. He’s blinded himself to the truth plenty of times so why not now?

The buzzing of thoughts in his head settles down, just a little.

He lies in bed. Desperation and despair both hum in his veins. He takes a deep breath. He can rest here, somewhat. He can calm down. Work something out.

What exactly is he supposed to work out? The world’s gone and he’s… still here.

_I’m the only one left. I have to do something._

But still. Everything he touches, breaks.

_Then why isn’t Quartzmon’ breaking?_

He sits up in his bed. That doesn’t sound like despair, and the more he thinks, the more he wonders why. That last stray thought has a point. Why can’t he break Quartzmon, then? He’s touched the phantom often enough. And Quartzmon is here. Quartzmon’s still in this world.

He’s not exactly right when he says he’s the only one left in it.

So he can do something. The next thought is how and now he has a goal to focus on and the buzzing thoughts quieten even more.

He has a conquest to plan, and this time he’ll do the right thing.

.

He wonders if he’s making a mistake.

In some senses, he _can’t_ make a mistake. There are only the two of them in this world so there’s no question of mistaken identities and the whole world’s been swallowed up by that abomination so of course he needs to get them back out…

But on the other hand, destroying Quartzmon may change nothing.

And on the third hand, which by three dimensional logic should not exist, he’s no match for Quartzmon anyway. He’s already proven it, strung along like a puppet for far too long and what can he do now, shredded and raw and alone? What can he do?

He’s supposed to be clever. He’s supposed to be strong. But that had turned out to be nothing more than his own arrogance and he’d proven it twice now.

He has to try.

Is there any point in trying?

The two opposing views are at war within his mind. He lets them quarrel as he lies back down in bed. It still feels like nothing except a solid mass underfoot and he wonders: is he dreaming? Is this a dream?

But it’s a little more calming than the sea of green and Quartzmon floating above.

He’s taken this for granted, he realises. He’s taking a lot of things for granted, including Damemon twice over and he hadn’t even thought that was possible, after the first. His thoughts swirl after that, because with thinking about Damemon comes the can of worms that have been opened up – but it’s muted now. Stilted. Maybe it’s the familiarity of his room. Or the mental exhaustion that clings to him. Or the repetitive nature of it all.

The sky is dark again. Night has fallen. He’s getting somewhere, finally.

Humans, especially children, just can’t stay still.

…so. Quartzmon. What can he do now?

The first question is if he can even face that phantom, after all it represents.

 _But I have to._ He closes his eyes. _I have to._

That doesn’t make it easier, but maybe, given time, it will.

He moves on. That question is too stagnant. He tries another. _How?_

He thinks on that. Calmly. Reasonably. Or, at least, he tries. He’s got no-one to throw ideas at. No-one to be the devil’s advocate, or the voice of reason, or even just the companiable ear. Even in the Digital World, he’d had Damemon. He just hadn’t realised that fact until it was too late. And before that was his family.

Now… _I’m doing this to get them back,_ he reminds himself.

 _They could be permanently gone_ , comes the doubt in his mind.

He can’t hold on to that. He can’t. He has to hope they can because there’s absolutely nothing left otherwise.

And the only reason he can do that at all is because he’s seen dead Digimon come back.

Digimon that aren’t Damemon. But Shoutmon. Grademon. Leomon. All thanks to Taiki’s wish on the Code Crown.

Can he get to the Digital World and beg for its help? Of course he can’t. He doesn’t have any DigiMemories. He doesn’t even have a digimon –

That’s wrong, and he’s sitting up in the digiquartized world again, sun burning his face. And, like he remembered, his Xros Loader and tiny scrap of hope is lying there.

.

Monday-Tuesday, May 19-20, 2010

.

He hears a commotion outside the door and ChuChumon is suddenly moving faster than Yuu has ever seen.

That’s fine. ChuChumon was hardly good company anyway.

Then he hears the sounds of a battle, far too close.

He peeks through the mouse flap. All he can see is yellow. But he can hear other sounds. Growling. Clashing. And voices in a wild cacophony.

And then Taiki’s voice, loud and clear. ‘I know! The natural enemy for a mouse is a cat, right?’

 _Taiki-san has a cat?_ Is the first and nonsensical thought that pops into Yuu’s mind.

And then he remembers Taiki has a cat _digimon_ in his Xros Loader. It takes a bit, because he almost never uses her. But Bastemon is a popular figure in the Digital World: the Lake Zone princess with her lesion of knights.

Cat and mouse…

He jerks away from the mouse flap, disturbed by new sounds he can hear. He won’t think what they are, he decides. The silence otherwise seems to agree with him.

There’s a little burp a moment later, and mutters. ‘I feel like I’ve seen a side to Hime-sama I wasn’t ever supposed to…’

That voice sounds metallic. Must be one of her nights.

Yuu is glad there’s a door between him and the rest of the world, suddenly. Taiki must be –

And then it clicks, quite a bit late. Taiki’s digimon. Taiki’s voice, too.

Taiki is behind that door.

Taiki is alive.

 _I didn’t kill him. I didn’t kill him._ The relief makes tears spill. And when the door crashes down and Taiki himself is in the doorway, it feels like his eyes are the mouth of a waterfall, instead.

His feet rush him into Taiki’s arms. And Taiki, who has a heart too big for his body by the looks of things, just hugs him in return.

It’s more than Yuu deserves, but he takes it anyway. Taiki is warm, and steady, and strong, and most of all, alive. ‘You’re not dead.’ Finally, his lips form the words in his mind. ‘You’re not dead. I didn’t kill you.’

‘You certainly tried,’ one of the PawnChessmon grumbles, and another pokes him in the side.

                ‘Now, now,’ says Knightmon. ‘You should be gentler with Yuu-dono. It is DarkKnightmon who is to blame.’

He can’t help but snort into Taiki’s shirt at this (and later, be mortified at the mess he’s made). ‘It is my fault,’ he says, and it’s so easy to say because those words have been dancing in his mind for far too long and now they can escape. ‘It’s all my fault. Because I didn’t listen to Damemon. I listened to DarkKnightmon instead and fell in love with an idea that shouldn’t have occurred to me in the first place. I fell in love with it and destroyed things for it and turned my back on and hurt my own sister for it. And I killed digimon. Sent them out like pawns we could afford to lose because I thought it was just a game, that they didn’t matter. And Nee-san and Kiriha-san and _you_ …’ He chokes on his words, and then there’s just insensible crying again.

Taiki hums softly, letting him speak and then, when it’s only tears, letting him cry. Even though Yuu can make out the sounds of more distant fighting once the sobs stop, Taiki shows no signs of urgency at all. He only waits, because he knows Yuu needs time and comfort and there’s no sense in dragging him out into a warzone with his head crooked, and he also believes Yuu deserves that.

Yuu can’t fathom why, considering he’d gone at the other with a sword the last time they’d been face to face. Even when Taiki had only defended at first. Defended until he’d steeled his own resolve and then he’d struck back and broken Yuu’s sword.

Taiki is strong. Strong and kind and that’s a recipe for self-destruction but it’s also the recipe of a king and Taiki’s definitely leaning towards the latter.

And then he whispers words in Yuu’s ears once he’s ready to listen, and Yuu almost starts bawling again because he doesn’t deserve them. They’re not even true, but Taiki says them so surely that maybe they are, and maybe one day he can believe them, and he’ll try and live up to them until then, and beyond then.

He says: ‘You’re a kind boy, Yuu. Too kind for fighting, and wars, and death. That’s why you wanted this world to be a game, because lives aren’t fragile in video games. You can restart and erase everything that’s happened. The characters aren’t living, with feelings and no second chances if they fall. But this world is like hours. Digimon are like us. They only have different ways of fighting.’

He knows. Now, he knows. ‘I’m not kind,’ he replies, and then before he can be rebuked for it, he adds. ‘I’ll try to be, though. I owe… everyone.’

He doesn’t say the names, but he knows who’d be at the top of the list.

Taiki pulls himself out of the embrace, hands steady on Yuu’s shoulder to prove he’s not pushing him away. ‘You are kind,’ he insists. ‘So kind that you don’t want to hurt anyone, so you chose a world in which no-one exists to be hurt. But this isn’t that world.’

No, this isn’t that sort of world at all and he knows that now. And it’s too late for so many. But not too late for everyone. Taiki is proof of that, standing before him now.

The contemplative silence isn’t quite comfortable, but it’s better than the oppressive room. Taiki isn’t quite Damemon, but he’s far better than ChuChumon or DarkKnightmon or his own thoughts. Close to his sister, if he put her back in the equation and why had he taken her out of the equation in the first place? ‘Nee-san…’

                ‘Nene is waiting for you,’ Taiki offers.

                ‘I – ‘ Nene is going to hate him. Or shower him in love he’s already proven he doesn’t deserve. _What can I do to deserve it now?_ ‘What now?’

Taiki shrugs. ‘We take the bad guys.’

He can’t help but snort at that. Isn’t that how every dungeon game goes? But at least there’s an enemy left to fight, even if he has no means to fight right now. _The Xros Loader is mine, though._ Maybe he can get it back. Use it right this time. Maybe Damemon can come back too. The Code Crown grants wishes, doesn’t it? But it would be wrong to use it so selfishly. _Maybe the Code Crown can fix it all…_ Bring back all the digimon that were stupidly sacrificed. Pierce the world back together, the way it’s meant to be.

                ‘That’s what we want too.’ And Yuu is surprised, because he doesn’t think he is saying those thoughts aloud. Maybe he is. It doesn’t matter. ‘Let’s go?’ Taiki suggests.

Yuu, after a brief hesitation, nods. ‘Let’s go.’


	4. New Days

.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

.

He finds himself awake again and it’s a new day, and he doesn’t know if that’s figurative or literal or a misinterpretation on his part, but it doesn’t really matter either. It’s a new day and he may have wasted the old one… or he may not have. It’s hard to tell with the Digital World.

Still, he’s decided. He’ll work under the assumption that the world and everyone in it still exists within Quartzmon, because anything else will break him beyond repair. He’ll see if there are any digimon in his Xros Loader first, and then formulate a plan based on what he has. If there’s nothing, then he’s in very big trouble. If there’s someone though, then that may be a chance.

Aside from the digimon, he needs to know what else is left. There’s the sun, and the sky. Quartzmon hasn’t been able to touch those. And the land is technically there. It’s just different. The buildings, the fences and the trees though… they’re all gone. So Quartzmon could take all signs of life but not Mother Nature.

That still doesn’t explain why he’s still here.

Maybe he’s not here. Maybe he’s dreaming this from somewhere inside Quartzmon.

He can’t think like that. That’s another thing that will make this all useless and break him.

 _So._ He takes a deep breath. _First. The Xros Loader._

There are digimon inside. Everybody he’s caught during the Hunt… even though his count is pretty pitiful in comparison to most active Hunters. He’s got more than one at least, which is more than can be said for some of them. But that’s fair enough, because all they wanted was a partner. They didn’t want anything to do with the fight.

If that had been his first meeting with Damemon, he mightn’t have wanted a more active role in the Hunt, either. But in his case, he was involved in the Hunt even before he got Damemon back.

Except he never really did get Damemon back.

He scrolls through the digimon. No, Damemon isn’t there. He’s got SuperStarmon and the star army though. And RookChessmon. And… Cutemon? Wisemon? Ballistamon? How did those three get in there? They were Taiki’s digimon. Though he’d given Ballistamon to Zenjirou, hadn’t he? And Cutemon to Akari…

He goes through them again. The star army looks a little different too, but he can’t be sure about them unless he tries to make the Star Sword. But Cutemon and Wisemon and Ballistamon…

                ‘We’re Xros Heart’s digimon-kyu,’ Cutemon pipes up. ‘Yuu was sad again, so I had to come-kyu.’

And Yuu is reminded of how Cutemon had visited him so often in those days without Damemon. How he’d stay in the empty Xros Loader. Flop on the couch like one of the pillows and wolf down rice balls like they were the best thing in the world (instead of just something he made to use up the leftover rice he often seemed to wind up with).

Is it Quartzmon playing tricks again? Cutemon has been in his Xros Loader before. So has Ballistamon, now that he thinks about it. That was Akari’s idea: a way to get around the two digimon per Xros Loader per Xros-Up rule. Wisemon hasn’t though, and for the life of him he can’t think of a good reason for Quartzmon putting a shadow of him there.

                ‘I suppose you could say we escaped,’ Wisemon says thoughtfully. ‘I could have brought some others too, but it might be more prudent to discuss a game plan first. We don’t want Quartzmon catching on too early and cutting off our only link to him.’

                ‘Link to Quartzmon..?’ Yuu repeats. He processes that slowly. So Wisemon, and likely Cutemon and Ballistamon, hadn’t been in the Xros Loader initially. They’d escaped from Taiki’s Xros Loader while within Quartzmon.

So Taiki and the others are definitely in there. And alive.

_Thank goodness…_

‘Ah, Yuu is crying-kyu.’ There’s a clamour thereafter, like Cutemon is trying to get out. Yuu rubs his eyes dry (when has he started crying again?) and looks at the screen. Cutemon is there, held back by the star army. They make for an amusing sight and he can’t help but giggle at it. Cutemon smiles too. ‘Ah, Yuu is smiling-kyu. That’s better-kyu.’

                ‘Smiles are good,’ Ballistamon agrees.

Neither of them sound mad.

Then again, they are Taiki’s digimon. Though even Taiki will lay blame where it’s deserved some of the time. And sometimes he won’t. Like Yuu. Like Puppetmon caught in the thrall of DigiQuartz as well. Like Tagiru at least fifty times over by now, but Tagiru is harmless in the end. A big teddy bear whose sin is over-enthusiasm and clumsiness as opposed to anything truly malicious.

He swallows those thoughts down. This isn’t the time for it. Not now that he has a way forward, and a way that is more than he could have hoped for.

He checks the situation again. Quartzmon still hasn’t moved. And he’s got three powerful digimon, along with a healer. Naturally, against an enemy like Quartzmon, they won’t hold for long, but if there’s something else…

He suddenly recalls. ‘Where’s the Brave Snatcher?’ Tsuwamon dropped it, but what happened then. He remembers either Tagiru or Ryouma saying something about trying to pick it up again. Did they manage it? Is it with them now? Are they trying to Hunt Quartzmon right this minute? Is that why Quartzmon isn’t moving?

‘Ryouma has it-kyu,’ Cutemon replies cheerfully.

‘Dove into the ocean after it,’ Ballistamon adds more solemnly.

That sounds more like Tagiru. Maybe he’d rubbed off on Ryouma finally. One of them should have won the right. They mightn’t be in this situation then.

                ‘But Ryouma is struggling,’ Wisemon explains. ‘He did not earn the right to hold the Brave Snatcher, so it won’t respond to him. … or any of the other Hunters. Even if Tagiru hadn’t had to take Taiki’s place, I hypothesise it wouldn’t have responded to him either. The Brave Snatcher has already recognised you. It’s a miracle Ryouma was able to get it out of the ocean at all. He can’t fight adequately enough to Hunt Quartzmon with it.’

Because it’s Yuu who won the allegiance of the Brave Snatcher, which means it’s Yuu who has to use it.

He can fix things.

He’s also the reason why it’s a mess twice over, and that’s ignoring the whole fiasco with DarkKnightmon too.

The laughter bubbles past his lips. He doesn’t bother trying to stifle it and the digimon don’t say a word as he gets it out of his system. It’s a wild, hysterical laughter and it stops as suddenly as it starts, and that suits them all just fine. Out of sight, out of mind. Or something like that.

‘Okay,’ he says, once he’s caught his breath. ‘Okay.’ But which of his digimon will take the lance?

And then he’s dunked in metaphorical ice water, because he remembers something else. ‘Quartzmon was the one who fought for the Brave Snatcher. Can we beat him with it?’

                ‘We can,’ Wisemon is quick to reply. ‘I’ve already checked. The battle was to determine the Hunter. And while all of you fought with one base digimon, you also fought with another that you used in the DigiXros.’

They did. Yuu remembers now. Triceramon for Ryouma. Sagomon for Tagiru. And RookChessmon for Yuu himself. ‘So RookChessmon can wield the Brave Snatcher. RookChessmon who I can DigiXros with another digimon if I need to.’

                ‘You will need to,’ Wisemon says. ‘Because you and RookChessmon can’t get into Quartzmon without me, but the window of opportunity is too narrow for a digimon with average speed, much less RookChessmon.’

He frowns at that. He’s entirely focused now and that’s a good thing. It’s a war he’s trying to win. A puzzle he’s trying to solve. ‘Tsuwamon was my fastest digimon.’ He frowns, then presses on. ‘SuperStarmon’s speed isn’t bad per say, but its forte is more in the attacking domain. The same goes for the star army.’

                ‘I can only heal, kyu,’ says Cutemon sadly.

And Wisemon moves in an entirely different dimension and it’s probably better to have him still in the Xros Loader as a backup plan… or to come up with the backup plan. Which leaves Ballistamon. ‘Will Ballistamon be fast enough?’

                ‘Theoretically,’ says Wisemon. ‘Of course, the result of a DigiXros can’t be assessed until the two parties have fused at least once, but Ballistamon has the best chances, being a machine type similar to RookChessmon.’

The best chance… That’s all they can bank their hopes on, at this point.

.

Monday-Tuesday, May 19-20, 2010

.

His reunion with his sister is far too fleeting for the circumstances, but it settles like a marshmallow by a campfire in his heart. What follows though is a frenzy: a prolonged battle and he’s not sure when it starts or when it’ll end or what role he might have played in it if things were different…

Things aren’t different. They simply are as they are.

It’s actually a little amusing, when he looks back at it later. Nene barely has the chance to comfort him before Mervamon smacks him with her blade. And that does a good job in cutting through to the crux of the matter. Her curt: ‘we don’t have time to deal with this’ is equally well received, though Nene doesn’t seem to agree.

But ‘deal with it’ is far more honest and agreeable than ‘it’s okay.’ Because it’s not okay, but it probably is within his power to deal with it.

So he tries. He tries but, at first, he only stands there uselessly as the others fight. First it’s DarkKnightmon fused with Bagramon, and then Bagramon re-emerges and swallows his little brother whole and that’s an awful parody of what could have occurred with him and Nene that he just wants to run and hide except he can’t. His feet are rooted to the spot and there’s a voice whispering in his head: _you did this. Look at the consequences of your actions._

At least it’s something of a relief when DarKnightmon is swallowed by that skeletal form. But that relief is short-lived because MegaDarknessBagramon is far too powerful. Shoutmon X7 defeated the entire Bagra Army but fails in the face of this behemoth. They get up and try again anyway.

And then Shoutmon is gone. Just like Damemon.

Yuu wonders if he had looked as shattered as Taiki does in that moment.

And moments later, when they are all lost and in the dark and without hope, he wonders how Taiki can muster up the motivation to keep on going by himself. Because he does, somehow. He’s the one reaching out to everyone, and pulling them back together even though he’s got the best reason to lie back and give up. But that’s simply not in him. He’ll fight anyway, without Shoutmon if he has to, and he’s already thought of the way that might bring Shoutmon back.

And that tells Yuu that his fleeting idea with the Code Crown isn’t a fool’s errand after all. If they win it, they can get Shoutmon back. And Damemon. And all the other digimon that have died for a foolish cause.

They can do it. They will do it.

But they don’t have the strength to do it and that’s their problem now.

‘We’ll do it.’

He’s not sure who says it, but he remembers the flat of Mervamon’s blade on his head. _Deal with it._ He has to deal with it. He has to push on through.

They don’t have Shoutmon anymore, so they can’t make X7. Their strongest digimon is ZeekGreymon: the only one left amongst them that can super evolve.

Taiki has a plan and his ability to put his grief aside and come up with it is astounding, Yuu thinks. He’s in awe all over again. And Taiki’s plan is sound. Reckless but sound, and it’s a recklessness they must afford, given the situation. They need Shoutmon: the core of X7. ZeekGreymon alone isn’t enough. Therefore their role isn’t to take MegaDarknessBagramon down. It’s to open up a pathway.

Well, that’s a different tactic altogether.

‘Yuu, can you handle it?’

He starts. He has been listening – of course he has – but he doesn’t expect an active role, much less one so important. The others seem similarly surprised, but Taiki just shrugs. ‘He is an excellent strategist.’ Then, after a pause: ‘Oh, don’t look at me like that, Kiriha. I need you elsewhere.’

                ‘Yeah,’ the other boy snorts, ‘as glorified bait.’ And he sounds so disgruntled that the others laugh. Yuu doesn’t join them. Not yet. Maybe someday, he thinks.

But he puts his mind to work for them anyway, because here is the little bit he can pay off.

He can also mess up just as badly, because he didn’t do too great a job the last time he was entrusted with an army, did he?

But no-one brings that up. They only stare at him. Nene and Taiki smile. Kiriha’s lips are pursed but that’s not his angry, distrusting expression. Yuu knows that one. He knows all of them pretty well, despite having barely interacted with them. He’s watched them for a long time after all. He had to, to formulate strategies against them. _And I still can’t grasp how strong they are._ But he thinks he has the other aspects down pat.

                ‘You can do it.’ Nene squeezes his hand lightly.

                ‘Want me to smack more sense into you?’ Mervamon asks.

                ‘I’d listen to her,’ Ignitemon says nervously. ‘She means it literally. And she hits hard.’

Mervamon knocks him on the head with her free hand. ‘I’m not going to kill Nene’s cute baby brother,’ she protests… and somehow, that doesn’t make her look any less intimidating.

That also doesn’t make her any less in the right. It doesn’t make any of them any less right. Or any less wrong. But it’s up to him which side he decides to lean, isn’t it? And it’s a far better feeling, feeling useful. ‘I can do it.’

                ‘Then go out there and do it.’ And Kiriha is suddenly off, before Yuu can take his words or his conviction back, leaving most of his forces behind. He’s on ZeekGreymon, of course. And Nene is merging Mervamon and Sparrowmon and racing off too. The pair of them head straight for MegaDarknessBagramon.

Yuu’s job is to protect the rear and provide volley support. Use the resources he has without sending them out to die. Which means he needs fast long range types. And a good defence.

He surveys the group. They’re a diverse mix. Combinations jump out at him. Some have been used before. Others haven’t, but he thinks they can work.

                ‘I can do this,’ he repeats to himself, mind throwing itself into this work.

The conviction echoes merrily, because he doesn’t have time right then to sink back into guilt ant doubt. He’s got an army to command, after all. And once it’s over, whether he succeeds or fails, he can then struggle in the grips of those once more.

And if he wins, then he can pay of just a little of that debt he’s accrued.


End file.
